June 19, 2012

Greg's Top Ten Stupid Things I've Seen Drivers Do in their Cars (5 Today and an extra special 5 Tomorrow):

5. Man driving car on El Camino trying to find something in his backseat...for a good 20 seconds. Any idea how much can happen in 20 seconds? In an NBA game, four lead changes can happen, listening to a Nickelback song can cause brain damage, some people can finish and end a sexual experience and you can watch every one of Jamarcus Russell's NFL highlights. Yet, this fucktard thought it would be a good idea to rummage through the backseat of his car for that length of time. I wonder what he was looking for? His good sense, perhaps?

4. Man changing his shirt while driving on the freeway. No, he wasn't wearing just a t-shirt. This guy decided that changing out of his three-piece was a good idea while going 70+ on Highway 101. What would have safely taken less than a minute to do while pulled over at his destination this asshat decided to do in three terrifying minutes while driving on the freeway. Nice.

3. Woman driving with her Cocker Spaniel on the dashboard. Yes, you read that right. The entire fucking dog was resting on the dashboard. At least it was on the passenger side of the car. Brilliant! There's a dingleberry on that dog's ass with more common sense than the idiot behind the wheel. This one inspired today's list, BTW. Gotta love Los Gatos.

2. Man driving his Jeep with his left foot hanging over the edge of his driver side door. I've seen passengers hang their feet out the window, which is dangerous enough, but to be driving your car...that's a true daredevil of douchebaggery. So, driver, what happens when you need to make an evasive maneuver that results in a car accident and your leg gets chopped off because it was hanging outside of the vehicle? Didn't you ever go to an amusement park where they tell you to keep that shit inside the cart?

1. Woman driving her Escalade while talking on the phone with one hand, coffee in her other hand, Miniature Poodle in her lap with his paws on the steering wheel. People, I can't make this shit up. I swear this lady had more crap going on in her general vicinity than there were moving parts in her car's engine. It was truly one of those moments where I wanted a cop to be nearby. The best part of the story...there was cop and when his lights came on to pull her over I cackled with glee. I should have pulled over and shook the cop's hand for being spot on.