May 19, 2013

Greg's Top Ten Reasons Why Total Recall 2012 Sucked

1. Because after 15 minutes I realized it was a better sleep aid than Ambien
2. Because I should have realized the movie was going to suck when I learned that the production company that funded the movie is called "Original Film". It's a fucking re-make you idiots. You are the LAST production company that should be funding this piece of crap.
3. Because the writers decided to re-hash a line or sequence from the original movie every five minutes.
4. Because virtually every cityscape scene was a complete rip-off of Blade Runner. Everything from the cement buildings, the Asian influence, the damn blimp advertising the "Offworld", the crowded streets, EVERYTHING ripped off of Blade Runner.
5. Because it made the original Total Recall feel like a well acted classic which is really hard to do when the lead actors are Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone.
6. A serious lack of humor. One of the aspects of the original that made it such a success was how it parodied itself and never took itself seriously.
7. Because the best thing about the film was Colin Farrell's stubble.
8. Lens Flares...seriously, they are extremely annoying and unnecessary. See: Star Trek (2009)
9. PG-13. Seriously, you cannot re-make an ultra-violent classic piece of sci-fi like Total Recall and bring it down to PG-13.
10. The movie successfully found a way to waste the extraordinary talent of Bryan Cranston and that's almost impossible to do.