April 10, 2012
Greg's Top Ten Movies I Can't Believe I Saw In Theaters (1-5 Yesterday, 6-10 Today):
6. Showgirls - Now some of you might be crying foul since this is only ranked #6 on my list. Allow me to explain. This list isn't about the worst movies I've ever seen. It's a list of movies I can't believe I saw in theaters and I can sort of explain this selection away by pulling the stupid teenager card. When you're a teenager and your raging hormones tell you to see Showgirls with all of your friends because there will be boobies involved, everything above the neck shuts down. Hence, my decision to fork over $8 to go see this at the Century 23 along with several other friends on Facebook I shall keep nameless. You know who you are.
7. Jason Goes to Hell (Friday the 13th sequel) - The very first "date" I ever went on. Needless to say there was no second date. As for the movie, it is by far one of the least scary horror movies I've ever seen. In fact, it's more funny than scary which isn't a compliment. Although I think some people will give this movie a pass because nobody should ever go to a Friday the 13th movie with the expectation that it will be the next Citizen Kane, the fact that I actually took a girl to see this movie with the expectation that it would go over well gives this movie a spot on the list.
8. On Deadly Ground - There are good Steven Seagal movies and then there's On Deadly Ground. Not that Seagal movies are incredible action films, but most of you that have seen his earlier movies know how awesomely bad they are. Hard to Kill, Under Siege and Out For Justice are all Seagal movies I count among those I've seen in theaters and have no problem admitting so. On Deadly Ground is neither awesome nor awesomely bad. It's just bad. In every way. I should have known better because every Seagal movie up to that point had gotten progressively worse. Today, Seagal turned 60 years old, BTW. I guess some things don't get better with age.
9. Meet Wally Sparks - Remember when Rodney Dangerfield was actually really funny. When this movie was made, I don't think Rodney Dangerfield remembered when he was funny. Seriously, he was a shell of his former self at this point in his career and genuinely looked the part of a man suffering from dementia. The man we all laughed with in Caddyshack, Back to School and Easy Money was long gone above the neckline at this point in his life and his sense of humor followed suit. I have no idea why on earth I decided to see this movie knowing full well it was going to suck. I guess there was a Thornton Melon inside of me hoping to relive Dangerfield's glory years when he was a comedic genius.
10. Better Than Chocolate - What, you've never heard of Better Than Chocolate? Don't worry, nobody outside of my friend Jaceand I have because the movie had only two paying customers who both admit this was a bad idea. In fact, did we even pay to see this? If so we really should get a full refund assuming this absolute bust of a film didn't bankrupt the production company.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
April 9, 2012
Greg's Top Ten Movies I Can't Believe I Saw In Theaters (1-5 Today, 6-10 Tomorrow):
1. Twilight - When I told Myriah, I would see it with her I had no idea just how awful an experience it would end up being. If there are two "actors" in this world who lucked into fame and fortune it is the aforementioned Kristen Stewart and her love interest Robert Pattinson. It's almost like the casting director made a bet with the producers and said "I bet this movie makes over $200 million no matter who we cast in the leads." Honestly, neither one of these two hacks have any acting skills in their bodies. It was like watching a broken shovel (Stewart) fall in love with a pale mop (Pattinson).
2. Knock Off - Only twice in my life have I ever walked out of a movie. This gem of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie is one of them. It co-starred Rob Schnieder which means that there was one actor in the movie who was actually worse than Van Damme. I've long considered Rob Schneider to be completely useless as a comedian and we all know Van Damme movies took a serious turn for the worse in the mid 90s. Put these two idiots together in a movie where they are fighting criminals who sell knock off clothing and you have a movie worthy of Razzie Awards galore. My friends and I walked out after about 15 minutes and saw the Wesley Snipes movie "Blade" instead. That's like going to the prom and ditching a drugged out of her mind Lindsay Lohan for Katherine McPhee.
3. Cabin Boy - I'll admit, I saw this treasure of a comedy when it first came out. Mike McCullough and Daniel Forte saw it with me and will probably admit it ranked among the least funny things they'd ever seen in their lives. It certainly ranks as the least funny "comedy" I'd ever seen up to that point. The only thing in the movie that was worth seeing was the credits because it meant the torture was over with. It pretty much spelled the end of Chris Elliott's leading man career and relegated him to creepy person status in movies like "There's Something About Mary" and television shows "How I Met Your Mother." It's any wonder his daughter Abby Elliott of SNL fame is so attractive and funny considering where her genes came from.
4. Clifford - If you've never heard of this one, consider yourself lucky. In fact, do yourself a favor and never under any circumstances ever rent this dog of a movie. Here's the movie in a nutshell: Martin Short plays a 10 year-old boy (not a stretch) who terrorizes his family which include actor Charles Grodin and Mary Steenburgen. There, now you've seen Clifford. It was absolutely unwatchable and made me wonder how on earth the man who directed the hilarious John Candy romp "Who's Harry Crumb" made this utter piece of crap. Furthermore, it was the beginning of the end for Martin Short's feature film career which didn't exactly get off to a good start in the 1990s having starred in "Pure Luck" and "Captain Ron" before signing on for "Clifford" in 1994.
5. Princess Diaries 2 - When you're trying to impress your future wife, you have to bite the bullet once in a while and this was one of those moments. In fact, I think Myriah even felt sorry for me when all was said and done. We still joke about having seen this together and with good reason. It's a typical Disney movie sequel trying to capitalize on a predecessor that made a shit-ton of money at the box office. It formulaic, has a predictable story and few redeeming qualities. It wasn't as bad as some movies I've seen in theaters like "Repo Men" or "Anger Management" but it is one of those movies that I still can't believe I paid to watch.
Greg's Top Ten Movies I Can't Believe I Saw In Theaters (1-5 Today, 6-10 Tomorrow):
1. Twilight - When I told Myriah, I would see it with her I had no idea just how awful an experience it would end up being. If there are two "actors" in this world who lucked into fame and fortune it is the aforementioned Kristen Stewart and her love interest Robert Pattinson. It's almost like the casting director made a bet with the producers and said "I bet this movie makes over $200 million no matter who we cast in the leads." Honestly, neither one of these two hacks have any acting skills in their bodies. It was like watching a broken shovel (Stewart) fall in love with a pale mop (Pattinson).
2. Knock Off - Only twice in my life have I ever walked out of a movie. This gem of a Jean Claude Van Damme movie is one of them. It co-starred Rob Schnieder which means that there was one actor in the movie who was actually worse than Van Damme. I've long considered Rob Schneider to be completely useless as a comedian and we all know Van Damme movies took a serious turn for the worse in the mid 90s. Put these two idiots together in a movie where they are fighting criminals who sell knock off clothing and you have a movie worthy of Razzie Awards galore. My friends and I walked out after about 15 minutes and saw the Wesley Snipes movie "Blade" instead. That's like going to the prom and ditching a drugged out of her mind Lindsay Lohan for Katherine McPhee.
3. Cabin Boy - I'll admit, I saw this treasure of a comedy when it first came out. Mike McCullough and Daniel Forte saw it with me and will probably admit it ranked among the least funny things they'd ever seen in their lives. It certainly ranks as the least funny "comedy" I'd ever seen up to that point. The only thing in the movie that was worth seeing was the credits because it meant the torture was over with. It pretty much spelled the end of Chris Elliott's leading man career and relegated him to creepy person status in movies like "There's Something About Mary" and television shows "How I Met Your Mother." It's any wonder his daughter Abby Elliott of SNL fame is so attractive and funny considering where her genes came from.
4. Clifford - If you've never heard of this one, consider yourself lucky. In fact, do yourself a favor and never under any circumstances ever rent this dog of a movie. Here's the movie in a nutshell: Martin Short plays a 10 year-old boy (not a stretch) who terrorizes his family which include actor Charles Grodin and Mary Steenburgen. There, now you've seen Clifford. It was absolutely unwatchable and made me wonder how on earth the man who directed the hilarious John Candy romp "Who's Harry Crumb" made this utter piece of crap. Furthermore, it was the beginning of the end for Martin Short's feature film career which didn't exactly get off to a good start in the 1990s having starred in "Pure Luck" and "Captain Ron" before signing on for "Clifford" in 1994.
5. Princess Diaries 2 - When you're trying to impress your future wife, you have to bite the bullet once in a while and this was one of those moments. In fact, I think Myriah even felt sorry for me when all was said and done. We still joke about having seen this together and with good reason. It's a typical Disney movie sequel trying to capitalize on a predecessor that made a shit-ton of money at the box office. It formulaic, has a predictable story and few redeeming qualities. It wasn't as bad as some movies I've seen in theaters like "Repo Men" or "Anger Management" but it is one of those movies that I still can't believe I paid to watch.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
April 6, 2012
Greg's Top Ten Favorite 90s Rap Songs
1. "Check the Rhime" - Tribe Called Quest
2. "Return of the Mack" - Mark Morrison
3. "Around the Way Girl" - LL Cool J
4. "Hypnotize" - Notorious B.I.G.
5. "Sure Shot" - Beastie Boys
6. "Mind Playing Tricks on Me" - Geto Boys
7."Get it Together" - Beastie Boys
8. "Big Poppa" - Notorious B.I.G.
9. "Treat 'Em Right" - Chubb Rock
10. "Welcome to the Terrordome" - Public Enemy
1. "Check the Rhime" - Tribe Called Quest
2. "Return of the Mack" - Mark Morrison
3. "Around the Way Girl" - LL Cool J
4. "Hypnotize" - Notorious B.I.G.
5. "Sure Shot" - Beastie Boys
6. "Mind Playing Tricks on Me" - Geto Boys
7."Get it Together" - Beastie Boys
8. "Big Poppa" - Notorious B.I.G.
9. "Treat 'Em Right" - Chubb Rock
10. "Welcome to the Terrordome" - Public Enemy
Thursday, April 5, 2012
April 5, 2012
Greg's Top Ten Favorite 80s Rap Songs:
1. "Don't Believe the Hype" - Public Enemy
2. "Beats to the Rhyme" - Run DMC
3. "Children's Story" - Slick Rick
4. "She's Crafty" - Beastie Boys
5. "The Message" - Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
6. "Fight the Power" - Public Enemy
7. "Straight Outta Compton" - N.W.A.
8. "Hit It Run" - Run DMC
9. "Night of the Living Baseheads" - Public Enemy
10. "Peter Piper" - Run DMC
Greg's Top Ten Favorite 80s Rap Songs:
1. "Don't Believe the Hype" - Public Enemy
2. "Beats to the Rhyme" - Run DMC
3. "Children's Story" - Slick Rick
4. "She's Crafty" - Beastie Boys
5. "The Message" - Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five
6. "Fight the Power" - Public Enemy
7. "Straight Outta Compton" - N.W.A.
8. "Hit It Run" - Run DMC
9. "Night of the Living Baseheads" - Public Enemy
10. "Peter Piper" - Run DMC
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
April 1, 2012
Greg's Top Ten Favorite Movie Villains:
1. Hans Gruber played by Alan Rickman (Die Hard)
2. Darth Vader voiced by James Earl Jones, played by Sebastian Shaw & David Prowse (Star Wars Orignal Trilogy)
3. Khan Noonien Singh played by Ricardo Montalban (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
4. Roy Batty played by Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner)
5. The Joker played by Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
6. Neil McCauley played by Robert DeNiro (Heat)
7. Darkness played by Tim Curry (Legend)
8. General Zod played by Terence Stamp (Superman II)
9. Freddy Krueger played by Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm St.)
10. Roger "Verbal" Kint played by Kevin Spacey (Usual Suspects)
Greg's Top Ten Favorite Movie Villains:
1. Hans Gruber played by Alan Rickman (Die Hard)
2. Darth Vader voiced by James Earl Jones, played by Sebastian Shaw & David Prowse (Star Wars Orignal Trilogy)
3. Khan Noonien Singh played by Ricardo Montalban (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
4. Roy Batty played by Rutger Hauer (Blade Runner)
5. The Joker played by Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
6. Neil McCauley played by Robert DeNiro (Heat)
7. Darkness played by Tim Curry (Legend)
8. General Zod played by Terence Stamp (Superman II)
9. Freddy Krueger played by Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm St.)
10. Roger "Verbal" Kint played by Kevin Spacey (Usual Suspects)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)