April 22, 2012

Greg's Top Ten Things That Are Like Death and Taxes (1-5 Today, 6-10 Yesterday):

5. You’ll Live A Fuller Life Than Kim Kardashian: I have no idea how she sleeps at night knowing how much she is despised by the world. I think it would drive me absolutely insane to know that virtually every person on the planet thinks I’m a complete joke of a person. If she’s even 10% the superficial jerk she appears to be she’s a miserable human being. There’s a little part of me that hopes one day she’ll blow everyone away by sell everything she owns and join the Peace Corps for five years but I think we all know that’s about as likely as the Cubs winning a World Series in the next 100 years. It could happen, but we all know better.

4. Auto Mechanics Will Be Perceived To Be Con-Artists: Has anyone with average car knowledge actually ever gone to an auto mechanic they didn’t know and felt completely confident they were getting charged appropriately? Anyone? They could be completely legit and charge you the fair market value and you’ll probably still think you’re getting jacked. You go in for one simple repair and before you know it you’re having a complete overhaul that costs 10 times what you expected.

3. Pat Sajak and Vanna White Will Never Age: I used to watch Wheel of Fortune with my parents back in the 1980s, right around the time Vanna White tried her hand at acting. Anyone remember the absolutely awful movie “Goddess of Love” that aired in 1988. There’s a reason why Vanna White isn’t given many speaking lines on Wheel of Fortune and that bomb of a movie is proof. But I digress. Sajak and White must be drinking from the same Kool-Aid that Dick Clark did for so many years because they don’t look a day past 1988.

2. Hall and Oates Will Play At The Mountain Winery: I swear, those two fools will be long dead and they’ll still be on the summer schedule for the Mountain Winery. The staff will just roll their old bones out there and make them play “Maneater.” Has anyone ever recalled a time before 1995 when they didn’t play a show in the summer at the Winery? Heck, I may as well put Huey Lewis and The News up there, too, not that I would ever sit front row at a Huey Lewis concert at the Winery. No. No. No. Not me. Ok, maybe that one time.

1. Life Will Go On: Call it a cliche, but I try to live by these words quite often. Death. Taxes. Life will go on. Even when things seem insurmountable, I feel as though somehow, someway, things work out. They may not necessarily work out the way you planned, but they work out. In fact, most of the time I feel as though things don’t work out exactly as planned, but we humans are a flexible bunch. We make it work, somehow. I still can’t believe all the crap I’ve been through in my life that I’ve managed to bounce back from. It’s the getting through it that sucks, but the light at the end of the tunnel can be so rewarding.