February 16, 2012

Greg's Top Ten Most Wanted Celebrity Autobiographies that Haven't Been Written:

1. David Bowie: Although the extensive and somewhat well received biography "Starman" was released in 2011, I'm not a big fan of biographies since they're usually poorly written and done so by almost exclusively from collateral accounts. I want Bowie to write his own account of the insanity he's been a part of from his days as a shaggy-haired youth to Ziggy Stardust to the Thin White Duke era to his recent retreat from the limelight. I want to read it all and I'd be one of the first people in line to grab his autobiographical account.

2. Peyton Manning: I hope he writes an all encompassing memoir after his playing days are over. It would be pretty awesome to hear his perspective on his life and career. My only reservation about reading a Manning autobiography would be due to Manning's tendency to be a bit diplomatic. He'd likely hold back a lot of his deeper feelings towards members of the Colts organization to save face, but I'll take my chances.

3. Simon LeBon: Duran Duran guitarist Andy Taylor already wrote his autobiography and bassist John Taylor has one coming out later this year. I think the Duran frontman's bio would be a blast to read, especially given his conquests. I'd be particularly interested to hear how he managed to put up with Nick Rhodes' snobby ass all these years.

4. Madonna: If for no other reason than to read the musings of a delusional narcissist. If only she could have written one before she started using a British accent and acting like she was holier than thou. I'd love to hear what she has to say about her kinky lifestyle from the Erotica/Bedtime Stories era, but I'll probably skip the chapter where she talks about her love affair with Dennis Rodman unless I'm reading it on an empty stomach.

5. Eddie Van Halen: Especially after reading Sammy Hagar's hack of an autobiography "Red" where he pretty much rips all things Van Halen to shreds, calling out both Eddie and Alex Van Halen for being self-absorbed, substance abusing slobs who completely take advantage of their fans' loyalty. I would love to hear the rebuttal. Seriously, Van Halen is like a 35 year soap opera and I can't get enough of it.

6. Harrison Ford: I'm a bit surprised he hasn't already written one since he's certainly in the twilight of his career. I'd love to read his accounts of what it was like to work on the sets of the Star Wars and Indiana Jones sagas. If only he would apologize to fans for making that last Indiana movie and whatever the hell Cowboys and Indians was supposed to be.

7. Axl Rose: Not sure if it would be a particularly truthful account given Rose's propensity to not take responsibility for his actions, but I'd still be interested to hear his perspective on GNR's heyday and eventual breakup. Former Guns bandmates Steven Adler, Slash and Duff McKagan have already written their bios, so it would be awesome to have Axl follow suit.

8. Marvin Harrison: He's arguably the quietest superstar to ever play football so reading an autobiography of his would be extremely insightful. The man's a legend and probably has said less to the media in his entire career than Peyton Manning has in one month.

9. Jimmy Page: Please make this happen, Jimmy. There have been countless unauthorized biographies of Page and his Led Zeppelin bandmates but nothing from the man himself.

10. Mick Jagger: Outside of drummer Charlie Watts, every member of the Stones has written an autobiography. Now that Keith Richards finally wrote his memoirs, I think we're all due a Jagger account from the most famous mouth in rock n roll.